Lately I’ve been busy playing mom and I’ve learned some valuable tips in the past weeks. I thought I’d share them with all of you. (These are even helpful for dealing with co-workers or family members if you don’t have children.)
1. Never color Snow White’s dress blue when it is supposed to be yellow. You can have your Princess Coloring Page Privileges revoked like that.
2. Don’t mistakenly introduce your child by the name you call them on your blog (or a nickname, that doesn’t work out so well either.)
3. If your child has the flu, especially the stomach flu, and they have bunk beds, insist that they sleep on the bottom bunk. Just trust me on that. You don’t even want to know how I know about that tip.
4. Incidentally, if your child vomits on a white stuffed lamb, front loading washing machines will work wonders on getting it out.
5. If your child is moody all day, never attempt to leave them with even a beloved babysitter. They will go bat sh*t crazy and scream at said babysitter, forcing you to stand next to them while they eat dinner. Then you’ll end up putting them to bed yourself anyway before leaving for your night out.
6. Olive Garden will give you the remainder of your purchased bottle of wine if you can’t finish it. So after you get home several hours later and your children are still awake, you can go ahead and drink the rest of said bottle in the comfort of your pjs.
7. Never take two children, 4 & 8, into the post office to mail a package the week before Christmas. You may not live through the experience.
8. Never promise a child anything unless you are prepared to go through with it. They will drive you bat sh*t crazy if you don’t follow through.
I hope you found my tips and tricks helpful this holiday season. Do you have any you can add to my list? Feel free to share in the comments.