She was supposed to offer advice, instead the doctors words were complicated

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Yesterday, I went to see a ENT specialist (ear nose & throat). For years, I’ve had ringing in my ears and it had finally gotten to the point where I’d had enough. Whenever I went to see my general doctor I filled out the ‘why are you here’ form and marked ‘ringing in ears’ as one of my symptoms. No one ever commented on it, and I admit, I never brought it up. I should have. Now that the ringing has gone on so long, there’s nothing that can be done.

Not that there is anything you can do for tinnitus anyway. There’s no medically proven cure or help for it. I was told to try to find something that distracts me from hearing the ringing, like ocean sounds, or rushing water in the background. I ordered a sound machine that hopefully might help. If nothing else, one of the settings is woodland/night which would sound like nighttime on the east coast, and that is one of my favorite sounds. Crickets and cicadas.

The unexpected part of the visit to the doctor came after she did a full hearing test. With ear bud like devices firmly planted in my ear I said the words I heard and acknowledged the beeps. I really thought nothing of it. Just a standard test for someone with ringing in their ears. But what the doctor told me has significantly thrown me.

I have mild hearing loss in my right ear.

This is why my right ear rings. They go together and there’s nothing to be done about either one. I do not listen to loud music, I don’t go to very many concerts, or to the movies. I have never been around firearms, so where this has come from is a mystery. And so very unexpected. From now on, every year when I get my mammogram, I also will need to book a hearing test. The doctor wants me to be checked yearly to track any decline, and should I experience sudden diminishment or loss of hearing in my ear I should come back immediately.

I am so stressed out by this, I’ve already triggered a migraine. I was annoyed enough that there’s nothing to be done for the ringing, which at times makes me feel like I am going crazy, but the loss of hearing on top of it seems cruel. I know there is plenty that can be done if I do lose hearing in that ear. In London, a friend had hearing aids in both ears and you could not even tell she had them. Things are not like the past, they are so small now, no one would notice unless you told them. But at my age, I am still young, and this has really thrown me.

Cope and move on is what my mind is telling me, but it’s a little harder for the rest of me to manage. It is not the end of the world. I am not sick, or hurt or anything more terrible that plenty of others face. But it is perhaps a shot at my vanity.

So if you ask me something and I don’t answer, I’m not ignoring you, I really just didn’t hear you.

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