Body shaming and the way we put each other down

A few weeks ago, I was participating in a conversation on social media about finding clothing for different body types. The majority of the people in the conversation were talking about not finding great clothes in larger sizes. Believe it or not I understand how that feels, even though I am petite and thin.

The thing that bothered me most about the conversation was that I was told my opinion didn’t matter. I ‘didn’t understand’. I am 5’6 and wear a size 0-2 depending on the manufacturer. I have long legs (another thing that made me ‘not understand’). Everything I say next will have some people rolling their eyes; I can eat what I like, I don’t obsess over exercise (in fact other than a few yoga sessions I haven’t made an effort to juggle exercise into my schedule in months). I can not help the way my body is. My weight hasn’t changed since I was in my early 20’s (I’m about to turn 42).

When I expressed that its hard for me to find clothes sometimes; often they don’t make a small enough size (because companies keep adjusting the sizes to accommodate the growing American waistline, the sizes at the very bottom of the spectrum get pushed out and stop existing). People were confrontational, and a little rude. Why do we do this? Why isn’t my opinion still a valid one just because I am experiencing the opposite end of the spectrum from someone else?

I’m certain having a weight issue is very hard, and takes an incredible toll on self-esteem. I’ve seen others feel frustrated because the clothing company doesn’t make something in their size, or they simply don’t cut the style correctly for their body shape. I do empathize with that, and I wish companies would recognize that there are a lot of people in the world and we are all beautiful and we all come in various shapes and sizes.

But it is disheartening to be told what I’ve experienced doesn’t count, and that other wish they were as lucky as me. My experience, in essence, is the same. I feel frustrated that I can’t find jeans that fit right in both waist and leg. That I feel like I have freakishly long arms that a lot of tops in order to fit right elsewhere means I show wrist a lot. Why should my experiences be less valid that yours? I’ve been called names for the way I am walking stick among them. That is just as hurtful to me whether you choose to believe me about it or not.

I recently watched the Brene Brown special on Netflix and started reading her book Daring Greatly. She talks about vulnerability and has studied shame for over 15 years. I haven’t gained enough insight to be able to understand why people put others down. Maybe they want to build themselves up, maybe they truly believe they are the only one who suffers through the same issues. I think enough is enough. We have to stop body shaming, parent shaming, not-good-enough shaming. The only thing we are doing is reinforcing the idea that someone isn’t good enough. I am good enough, you are good enough.

My quote for my senior yearbook was “Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a tough battle.” Maybe it’s time we focused a little more on kind and a lot less on a battle.

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