2020, who ordered the rollercoaster?

I think I can speak for most people when I say, what.the.fck.2020? There’s falling to pieces and going to hell in a hand basket, but this year has reached new levels of insanity.

And I’m not even talking about the worlds problems like political and social unrest, and a global pandemic. I’m only speaking about my life. Let’s countdown the last year:

Got divorced. (check)

Moved out of my home. (check)

Bought a new house. (check)

Spent thousands on emergency repairs to said house. (wrote lots of checks)

Got metaphorically kicked in the gut (twice) by person with whom I used to share a name. (double check)

Had a covid test. (check, and negative)

Still have BOTH kids doing school online from home…where I also do school online from home. (triple check)

This year has been anything but normal, and anything but easy. It has in fact broken me on many occasions. I’m not ashamed to admit that this has been the very worst year of my life. I have felt alone for most of it. If it weren’t for my kids, I’m not *quite* sure I would have made it. I also must give credit to my dog, who has demanded attention no matter if I felt like getting up to take her for a walk or not. Sorry for cursing you, Mocha, you are the best crazy dachshund in the world and life would be a hell of a lot quieter with out you, but not nearly as much fun.

The other day I made a four year plan, because I really like having plans, and in this land of you-thought-your-life-was-going-to-look-like-that? having a plan really feels good when things are crumbling around you. Despite my best efforts of not taking a single break from school (we are talking every semester including summers and this year I’m not even taking a December holiday break, I’m signed up for winter session hell), I will not graduate until next fall.

It is what it is.

I set high standards for myself, and part of that four year plan includes a BA that says Summa Cum Laude on it. I cannot achieve that while being a single parent and taking five classes. Not while dealing with all that from above. So, I’m learning to be okay with what I can manage, and I’m managing fine (3.9 thanks to my summer psychology prof who gave me an A-, damn her.)

My four year plan will include my BA, spending a semester pushing out my best manuscript, applying to, and getting accepted into, a masters program, my son graduating from college with not one, but TWO degrees (kid’s damn smart, I can now say he takes after me), graduating with my MFA and seeing my daughter walk across the high school stage. Somehow find a rewarding career that actually pays me.

That’s my plan and now that I’ve written it, I feel like it is achievable. One of the best things this year has taught me is that I can do anything. I can be anything. It’s sometimes just one slow step at a time.

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